I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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