You're so nebulous sometimes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
