he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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