CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
