dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
where are my eyebrows?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
