The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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