if you like me you must not know who I am
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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