I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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