i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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