he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
