"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
