My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
