As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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