He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
