Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
