i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
