"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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