the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
