better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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