my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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