my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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