So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
