I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
