Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
