this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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