I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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