I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
