Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
