no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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