Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
