I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
