maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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