dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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