piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
