your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
