walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we should paint friendship bongs
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