It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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