i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
