at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
