I wish I could teleport
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
