these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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