like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
