I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
