ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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