It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
