I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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