he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
