Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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