All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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