how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Operation Purity has been aborted
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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