I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
