glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
