Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
