my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
