Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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