Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
