for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
