She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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