Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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