I want to make a zoo with you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
