what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
