I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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