Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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