ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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