Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
