you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
