my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
