Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
